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2013年9月16日 星期一

男人與男孩

之前有晚跟好朋友聚舊,把酒談歡,說到大家的伴侶。

朋友說:「男人與男孩,存在很大的分別。一個男人有承擔有理性,知道自己想要甚麼,不要甚麼,也會懂得愛屋及烏,懂得怎樣去疼一個人。」



說起男人與男孩這個話題,我總會想起英國作家托尼.柏森斯的一本小說,叫《男人與男孩》,裡面寫的,大概是一個「男人」的二次成長。書裡面的主角叫哈利,29歲,他是一個電視製作人,工作表現叫人讚好;他有個自己鍾愛的情人,是他的老婆,有了兒子。她老婆很愛他,對他的關心恰如其分,沒有太多太少。一切看起來都很美滿,很完整,好像所有事情都安定下來一樣。

故事的楔子,在於哈利買車子的一剎那,就是那一剎那,讓他改變了。一架紅色的跑車,一股來自內心慾望,就是這樣一發不可收拾。再後來,他與公司一個小職員搭上了,發生了一夜情,他的人生,也就此改變。

她老婆離家出走的時候,說過這樣的一句話:「我當然愛妳,你這個愚蠢的渾蛋,可是,現在我卻沒有與妳相戀...」

那時候我搞不懂,為甚麼愛一個人也要堅決離開,為甚麼不能繼續相戀,為甚麼要有這樣的結局。但愈看愈後,人生的經歷愈來愈多,就愈明白這句話的意思。有時候,人總是犯賤的,明明知道對方的缺點,明明感受到自己的痛楚,卻會心甘情願地等下去,也會用一萬個理由去說服自己,讓自己繼續糾纏在這種自虐的情感裡面打轉。

不論是男人或是男孩,都總是愚蠢的,有時候更是一個渾蛋,但這份愛意不會離開,可能是出於母愛,又可能是出於情感上的依賴。可是到了某個時候,某個位置,夢醒了,就要決意離開,頭也不轉的走,那就自然不能繼續相戀了。

本來看似生活美滿的哈利,在這件事過後,不管在家庭、工作還是個人情感上都遇上不同的問題。尋尋覓覓,始終都未能找到自己,始終都是在打轉,始終不肯定自己想要怎樣。

不知道所有「男人」都是一樣,還是這是一個男孩進化的必經階段,就我觀察所得,好像愈來愈多男孩會在一段感情上反覆烤問,想知道對方有多喜歡自己。也許就像故事的主角哈利一樣,終其半生,其實他所尋找的,都是那份被愛被需要的感覺,這份感覺有時甚麼會凌駕平日的理性。

有時我會想,到底怎樣才算是一個「男人」呢?就此,上網找了一些書評,其中看到一篇叫《成熟男人給男人們的忠告》,蠻有趣,在此分享幾點。

1. 吃飯7成飽最舒服。對待女友最多也請你保持在7成
2. 女人愛聽甜言蜜語,其實,男人更喜歡。
3. 成熟的男人在女人面前既會做父親也會做兒子

每個人都有自己跟人相處的一套,上述的幾點不一定每個人適用,不過我總是相信任何事都有自己的一套法則,來來去去的變化都是在那套法則而內,所以搞懂了這些法則,不管是工作上,還是談戀愛上都有一定的幫助。

但其實,你愈去「計算」這件事情,你就愈不開心。這點我想也是男人與男孩的分別了,能夠做到「竹杖芒鞋輕勝馬」並不容易,這種境界,我想大概就是我要學習的吧。雖然這個學習的歷程會很長,我也不知道會學到甚麼時候,不過我還是相信愛情會讓人成長,會令人更了解自己、對方。

一個「男人」,永遠可以是一個「男孩」,不過一個男孩,總會慢慢長大的。

2011年12月15日 星期四

The Death of Ivan Ilyich


The Death of Ivan Ilyich

Introduction

“Life can only be understood looking backward. It must be lived forward.”
(The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, 2008)

Borrowing the quotation from “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”, better understanding can be developed for the novel by Tolstoy, one of the greatest and most influential Russian writers, to have a review of Ivan Illych’s whole life by looking backward, and find the drives for our lives to live forward.

 In this essay, Tolstoy’s text on “The Death of Ivan Ilych” will be analyzed with the discussion about death and the meaning of life, and the discussion will be extended from the viewpoint of an individual to the vitality of a city so as to reflect the current society’s dying status.

Brief Summary of the story

“The Death of Ivan Ilych” takes place at the chronological end of the story. And then it takes the audience to a few decades earlier to have a review of Ivan Ilych’s life.  

As described by Leo Tolstoy, Ivan Illych is a diligent, obedient and so-called ordinary man. Ivan is the very model of a modern middle-class man. He attained the classic middle-class job: an official in the sprawling, faceless court bureaucracy of St. Petersburg, in his case at the Court of Justice. (Shmoop Editorial Team, 2008) He does what he is supposed to do, lived up by the expectations of others and the society, while he was not searching for any kind of truth. Therefore it was described as the most ordinary but most terrible.

There are 12 chapters for the whole book. The first one is an introduction about the whole text. Chapter 2 and 4 paints out the picture of Ivan Ilych’s childhood life, from the development of his professional career in the court and his marriage, to later his illness. He was a well-balanced boy in various aspects, after attending the law schools he climbed up his career ladder step by step as a legal official, and later he met his wife and get married without any feeling of love. It is for a period of more than 40 years.

Starting from Chapter 5, the development of the illness was presented, and the both the psychological and physical stage of dying was described. It recounted from the final declined and agonized death to the religious light.

Applying Kubler-Ross' Five Stages of Dying, Ivan Ivan Ilych first wanted to escape from the worries and further imagination from his denial and isolation stage.

In the depth of his heart he knew he was dying, but not only was he not accustomed to the thought, he simply did not and could not grasp it. (6.2-3)

Ivan Ilych entered the stage of anger, blaming the God for imposing this kind of misery and pain to him, and expecting an answer from the desperate little hope.

"Why hast Thou done all this? Why hast Thou brought me here? Why, why dost Thou torment me so terribly?" (9.10-12)

Then he entered into a dialogue with the God, discussing the meaning of his life. And Ivan Illych first realized that he may not have done anything meaningful during his whole life.

By looking back to his life, he entered into the stage of bargaining, in the way that he was trying to defend his life as meaningful and fruitful.

“And his professional duties and the whole arrangement of his life and of his family, and all his social and official interests, might all have been false. He tried to defend all those things to himself and suddenly felt the weakness of what he was defending. There was nothing to defend.”

However, he failed to defend, and he is turned into a stage of depression.

“He shuddered, shifted himself, and tried to resist, but was already aware that resistance wasimpossible, and again with eyes weary of gazing but unable to cease seeing what was before them, he stared at the back of the sofa and waited -- awaiting that dreadful fall and shock and destruction.”

Learning that he was impossible to turn back and fight against the force, he could only wait for the moment.

Finally, the stage of acceptance was reached, with his understanding of the inevitability of death and confession accompanied with a sense of relief.

When the priest came and heard his confession, Ivan Ilych was softened and seemed to feel a relief from his doubts and consequently from his sufferings, and for a moment there came a ray of hope. (11.23)

"It is finished!" said someone near him. He heard these words and repeated them in his soul.
"Death is finished," he said to himself. "It is no more!" (12.13-14)

In the midst of a sigh, and stretched out, the story ended. 


Selected Text for detailed analysis

In order to develop a more comprehensive understanding of Ivan Ilych, the text in Chapter 3 will be selected for detailed analysis, as it marked the toughest years of Ivan Ilych. And through looking at the way Ivan Ilych handled the problems of unpleasantness, his character of orderliness was further confirmed.

To begin with, unpleasantness has followed Ivan Ilych into his official refuge.

“He was expecting to be offered the post of presiding judge in a University town, but Happe somehow came to the front and obtained the appointment instead.” (3.1)

And his complaint only made matter worse. Therefore instead of confronting against the injustice till the end, Ivan Ilych decided to seek a new position. And over the period of searching and trialing, he has endured the pressure from his family, but he lived without change.

“Ivan Ilych had unexpectedly obtained an appointment in his former ministry which placed him two states above his former colleagues besides giving him five thousand rubles salary and three thousand five hundred rubles for expenses connected with his removal. All his ill humour towards his former enemies and the whole department vanished, and Ivan Ilych was completely happy.” (3.11)

        From the above text, the pattern of Ivan Ilych’s life is illustrated with his carefree personality. Facing the injustice, he tried to complain, but soon return back to his confort zone. After the sudden change of Ministry of Justice’s administration, he restored the previous fortunate, and restored his original life, without any change. As described in the text, it is “vanished” and he was “completely happy”.

        His growing and voluntary isolation was illustrated in the way that he increasingly ignored the drawbacks of his life and focus only on his ideal form of life.

“Everything progressed and progressed and approached the ideal he had set himself: even when things were only half completed they exceeded his expectations.” (3.12)

As described in the text above, Ivan Ilych perceived that everything is good even if there is any drawback. And in fact, Ivan’s official life resembles the pattern of his life which is conducted under clear, simple and consistent rules. He repeated the similar pattern of life day after day, from waking, going to the court and returning home for guest or alone. As described in the text, this was neither dull nor amusing.

In this chapter, Ivan’s pleasure for ambition was also well-illustrated below.

“Ivan Ilych's chief pleasure was giving little dinners to which he invited men and women of good social position, and just as his drawing-room resembled all other drawing-rooms so did his enjoyable little parties resemble all other such parties.” (3.20)

Also, the argument with his wife intensified and further confirmed his isolation from his unpleasantness.

It was a great and disagreeable quarrel. Praskovya Fedorovna called him "a fool and an imbecile," and he clutched at his head and made angry allusions to divorce. (3.21)

But the dance itself had been enjoyable. The best people were there, and Ivan Ilych had danced with Princess Trufonova, a sister of thedistinguished founder of the Society "Bear My Burden". (3.22)

From the above text, the desire of attaining respectful social status is well-described. Also, the argument with his wife intensified and further confirmed his isolation from his unpleasantness. In some sense, the “Feelinglessness” of Ivan Ilych can be seen through his indifference to various matters or problems, even having a big quarrel with his wife, he soon could be recovered with other little things. Following this analysis of his personality, more discussions will turn to the meaning of death and life with the reference by the text.

Death and meaning of life

What is the meaning of life? Do we really know what we are really looking for in our life?

“The truth is, once you learn how to die, you learn how to live.” (Mitch Albom, 1997)

Looking back Ivan Illych’s life from his death, one of the most fundamental and practical questions was sparked out in my mind, that’s about the true meaning of life, the true goals in our life.

Even in this day and age, Ivan Illych can be regarded as a so-called “role model” in our society, in the way that he fulfilled the expectations of the external sectors such as its family, the society and so on.  

Even when he was at the School of Law he was just what he remained for the rest of his life: a capable, cheerful, good-natured, and sociable man, though strict in the fulfillment of what he considered to be his duty: and he considered his duty to be what was so considered by those in authority. (2.4)

For a brief summary over the past four decades of Ivan’s life, the following chronology is organized:

1837 – Birth of Ivan Illych
1850s – Education in the School of Law
1859 – Graduation from the School of Law
1859 – 1864 – Stepping as an apprentice official for the government
1864 – Transfer and promotion to court investigator
1866 – Marriage to Praskovya Fyodorvna Mikhel
1867 – Birth of daughter, Liza; Promotion to prosecutor
1869 – Birth of son, Vasily
1880 – Change the work under the Ministry of Justice

Autumn 1881 – Consultations with doctors about the on-set of disease
January 1882 – Worsening heath
1 February 1882 – Beginning of the final agony
4 February 1882 – The death of Ivan Illich 


In fact, Ivan’s whole life is regarded as ordinary and unremarkable.

"Ivan Ilych's life had been most simple and most ordinary and therefore most terrible."(2.1)

Everything seemed so smooth for most parts of his life, say, he graduated from the Law School and found a relatively stable job, he got married and has son and daughter, he attained social status with its occupation. In spite of some small obstacles and unpleasantness, such as the failure for his marriage, he could respond it by increasing the isolation from the source of discomfort, such as moving more and more to his work. Overall speaking, everything seemed perfect and complete, nevertheless, when death approached him suddenly and quietly, Ivan Ilych first realized that his whole life is empty in just a few months.

“Without work, all life goes rotten. But when work is soulless, life stifles and dies.”
(Albert Camus)

In face of death, Ivan Ilych was forceless to change and return, but he could only wait for what would inevitably come – death. And in some sense, may be death is the only thing he has been waiting for in his whole life. Rethinking the nature of life, the story of Ivan Ilych reminded the audience that apart from fulfilling the social expectations, we should search for our own meaning in life, and strike for the chosen goals before it is too late to regret, and not to only wait for death.  


Spiritual Life and Physical Life

The death of Ivan Ilych marked the end of the physical life of the character, but it also marks the start of a spiritual life.

“True life is the appearance of consciousness outside the boundaries of space and time. It always exists.”
(Leo Tolstoy, 1906)

From this sentence on Leo Tolstoy’s writing on “Recognizing the Spiritual Principle”, the faith that people would continue to grow spiritually up is well-illustrated. In his view, death is merely a transition from life into death, from one form to another form.

“I am dead – my spirit has stopped living in my body, but my real “I”, my spirit, will continue to live in other beings who understand me.”
(Leo Tolstoy, 1910)

Similar to The Death of Ivan Ilych, the end of Ivan’s physical form with the understanding of the true meaning of life is actually just another start for his spiritual life.

He sought his former accustomed fear of death and did not find it. "Where is it? What death?" There was no fear because there was no death. In place of death there was light. (12.13-14)

In this sense, he concludes that the soul is immortal, and the end of the physical life is just another start in another place.


Extended Discussion to the vitality of the city

“This city is dying, you know?” (When Heaven Burns, TVB 2011)

This popular quotation of a local television drama series has grasped my attention on the vitality of the city. Apart from taking death from an individual perspective, it is worth discussing the vitality of a city, especially Hong Kong, where our home lies.

To begin the discussion, historical context of Ivan Illych should be studied in order to develop a better understanding of the Russian city in Leo Tolstoy’s time. The work was published in 1886, when is followed by the assassination of Alexander II, a rather open-minded tsar who introduced the Emancipation of Serfs (1861) and a series of modernization reforms. The successor Alexander III was determined not to meet a similar fate of assassination. Therefore, the Tsar undid the reforms, under that autocratic rule, the police-force and other civil services were used to deal with those people opposed the laws and rules, even at grass-roots level.

Back to the work, with this historical understanding, the professional legal service provided by Ivan Illych was mainly in the Alexander II era. But his attitude towards life and his surroundings is actually dangerous, as the silence and the obedience is not a driving force push the society forward, but also driving the empire to the end of its rule in later stage, especially applying to Alexander III’s autocratic rule. From Ivan Illych’s individual point of view, he was making nothing out of his life. From a more macro-perspective, the gathering of the nothingness and silence of each individual life is a destructive power to the development of any place.

By analogy, space is a practiced area, in the way that the street geometrically defined by urban planning is transformed into a space by walkers. (De Certeau, Michel. 1984, 91-130) In this sense, the participation of civic members in the society is the key for creation of values, and it is which Ivan Illych lacks.

“Individual, isolated cases of foolish personal insanity are not as terrible as the widespread, organized, clever social insanity of our world” (Leo Tolstoy, 1910)

Putting Ivan Illych’s story to Hong Kong, ever-since the transfer of sovereignty from the Great Britain to the mainland China in 1997, not only the promise of universal suffrage has never achieved, but also there are obviously increasing self-censorship, political penetrations in various forms, such as the corruption of Hong Kong's electoral system by moving voters from its strongholds into constituencies to swing the election result. Besides, the increasing level of urban renewals and the annexations of property giants to the rural areas have reduced the possibilities of the land-use of the city, and narrowed the imagination of the citizens about our land. For example, the removal of Queen Pier has de-constructed the local recognition and blurred the developmental pattern of Hong Kong as a city, erasing the memory and struggle of the people. (Herman Yau, 2009) Recently, the penetrations even take place in local universities. For example, the over-use of police force during HKU Centenary Celebration Ceremony on 18 August 2011, the affiliation with the Chinese Communist Party in Student Unions and so on. All these can be seen as a sign before the age of repression, and also a sign of the contamination of the “One Country, Two Systems” promise.

Under the current circumstance, there are many roles we may choose to play. We can choose to be quiet like Ivan Illych, and we can choose to protest against the unreasonable rule with various means. Despite the critics towards the “Post-Eighties” for their so-called radical thoughts and behavior which destroys the social stability and harmony, the critics can be reviewed in another angle by the inspiration from Ivan Illych.

“The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of beauty is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, but indifference between life and death.” (Elie Wiesel, 1986)

To Ivan Illych, his indifference to his surroundings has made his life empty. To the society, if everyone is acting like Ivan Illych, the diversity of voices, the free flow of thoughts, and eventually the vitality of the city will be erased and vanished, leading to the death of a city, and it is just like the quotation of Leo Tolstoy, which is terrible.

To sum up this part of discussion, it can be seen that the destructive power of indifference is not only imposed on individual level, but also affects the vitality of the community and the city.

Conclusion
Through the narration of Ivan Illych horribly ordinary story, The Death of Ivan Illych is an insightful piece of work that not only reminded the audience about the meaning of leading a true life, but also provoked my thinking on the current society and the our role as an individual in the society. 

2008年11月5日 星期三

《兩個幸運的人》

這本書,對上一次看, 已是中五的事情了。在金融海嘯的沖擊下,近代的貨幣經濟鼻祖佛利民所尊崇的自由市場機制被批評為是次問題的禍源。隨著美國前聯署局主席格林斯潘承認市場失效,今後的經濟政策,看來也難免偏離佛老的主義了。




本書是佛利民和露絲撰寫的回憶錄。在他們一起生活的數十年生活中,他們經歷了個人以至世界的起跌,但他們在艱辛的旅途中確立了彼此的愛,共度難關,分享成功。一頁頁的文字,記戴著兩個幸福的人的生活,我在慢慢細閱的時侯,感到十分溫暖。

有別於一般的傳記,本書是寫的是他們的生活紀錄。紀錄的不是兩人的學術思想,而是一段不平凡的生命歷程。作為一九七二年的諾貝爾經濟學獎得主,佛利民曾經擔任過數位美國總統的經濟顧問。作為一個著重實證研究的經濟學家,他曾經走訪世界各國,而一直在他背後支持的,就正正是與他共度數十戴歡欣的妻子露絲。在這本書中,他們就用了淺白生動的文字,把自己的生活一一紀錄下來。

在閱讀他們的故事的時侯,有一個小故事令我深受感動。他們兩人深知自己婚後生活要自力更生,不能依靠別人。更重要的是,婚姻對他們來說是至死不渝的承諾,所以一共花了六年時間準備。不幸地,現代婚姻似乎漸漸失去了那種意義了,有多少現代人能夠遵守照顧對方的承諾呢?

想到這裡,我不禁慨嘆現代社會科技進步,道德腐化的矛盾。他們當時生活的世界雖然經常發生國與國之間的衝突,但人與人的相處倒是和諧而真誠的。反觀現在的世界,國與國的衝突雖然大幅減少,但人與人的相處卻變得愈來愈虛幻。網上聊天工具的出現,無疑能夠增加人與人溝通的機會,但也改變了人們溝通的模式,使不少人沉溺在虛擬世界,失去自我。

此外,現代人的道德倫理觀念也較當時薄弱,子女頂撞父母甚至離家出走,學術研究馬虎了事,隨地吐痰等的風氣已在全球蔓延,加上人們的抗逆意識愈來愈薄弱,往往消極地逃避問題,影響了和家人的關係。

然而,他們生活的世界雖然沒有太多的科技協助,生活反而更加愉快真摰,他們在學術上敢於認錯,一生貢獻國家嬴得人們尊敬,而他們兒孫滿堂,享受天倫之樂,夫妻關係如膠似漆,令人羨慕。普天之下,又有多少個像他們幸運的人呢?

2008年11月4日 星期二

《地圖女孩;鯨魚男孩》

「快樂中的不快樂, 不快樂中的快樂」
記得有次跟朋友MSN, 她說到這話的時候
其實,我大概感受到的,但總來不及今天的深刻




故事的男主角,叫戴立德,也即是之前說過的鯨魚男孩
他成績平平,傻頭傻腦
但他有夢想,也清楚自己喜歡甚麼
他所嚮往的天地,在旁人眼中,可能不太真實
但有時候,這種大方向,來得簡單,來得美


故事的女主角,叫張晴
她成績優異,自少就名列前茅
但到底她在追求甚麼? 恐怕她自己也不太清楚
熟讀地圖,可以讓人知道自己要怎樣走
可是,如果連目的地都不清楚的話,知道怎樣走又如何?


讀到這裡,想起John Donne的The Good-Morrow
想到戴立德的天地,說來容易,卻很難到達


Let sea-discoverers to new worlds have gone ;
Let maps to other, worlds on worlds have shown ;
Let us possess one world ; each hath one, and is one.


世界之大,很有複雜的事情,其實都是想得太多,太遠了吧
快樂的臉上, 到底背後藏著怎麼樣的酸甜苦辣?
但無論如何,可以分享,相信也是一段愉快的時光?
在不快樂中,尋找快樂,嘻嘻 =)

2007年3月21日 星期三

《北京法源寺》


本書以法源寺這個地方為緯,歷史偉人為經,論述的內容涉及多個層面,例如生死去留、情義、因果、朝野等等。故事主要記述自康有為時代開始的維新變法,至到民國晚期。在歷史的脈絡中,作者輕輕地帶出他對世事的看法,以史為綱,寫作方法十分特別。

時代與命運,就像硬幣的兩面一樣,是不可分割的。明朝袁煥身世可憐,是因為他生於明末清初的夾縫中,康有為滿有大志,但青春年華於清未民國初耗散,在清末的時候初評為「洪水猛獸」,太前衛,在民國初的時候,也被認為他太保守,是一件「活古董」,他的肉體雖在,但精神早已在xx政變中逝去,是一年多麼可悲的事! 他所有的青春,都用來與慈禧太后鬥法,鬥得青春耗散,他生來,就是接力比賽中的第一個跑手,跑了四分之一的路,就要退下來,永遠不會到達比賽的終點。這種人是可麼的可憐,時勢和命運,是骨肉相連的。

 中國的政治特色是集團式統治,要改革,就要整個集團上下一心,只要少數人不從,改革就會失敗,故成功改革是不太可能的,維新變法的失敗就是一個好的例證。

 何謂去留,死的價值又是如何呢? 譚復生為維新變法而死,以自己的鮮血來證明改革之路是一條死路,行不通的。他可以選擇不死而死,為了大眾而放棄家人,是大感情,大情大性也‧他捨身成仁,值得我們尊重。「去留肝膽兩昆崙」,去的也去,留的也好,都是為了同一個目的,就是救國,在這個前提下,去留是沒有分別的。